i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
