If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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