I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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