Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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