Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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