Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
