just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
