To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
