Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
