Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
