I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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