I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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