I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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