the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
