Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
