Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
