this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
