I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
