do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
