Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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