You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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