How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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