Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
