The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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