we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
