I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Congratulations! We have a period
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
