Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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