Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
