In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
