The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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