Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
