Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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