Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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