dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
