her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize