Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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