New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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