Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
