She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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