No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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