all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
