he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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