The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
