can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we're so committed to being not committed
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