Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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