my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
