Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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