If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize