Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
