look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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