a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
