I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
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