Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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