Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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