I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
