We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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