So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
