He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Mom said you looked used
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
