I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize