after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The adults are the big ones right?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
