I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I see more hoeing in ur future
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize