Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
