mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
